We hold these truths to be self-evident:
ARTICLE I
You do not have the right to a new car, big screen TV or any other form
of wealth. More power to you if you can legally acquire them, but no one
is guaranteeing anything.
ARTICLE II
You do not have the right to never be offended. This country is based
on freedom, and that means freedom for everyone not just you! You may
leave the room, turn the channel, express a different opinion, etc., but
the world is full of idiots, and probably always will be.
ARTICLE III
You do not have the right to be free from harm. If you stick a screwdriver
in your eye, learn to be more careful, do not expect the tool manufacturer
to make you and all your relatives independently wealthy.
ARTICLE IV
You do not have the right to free food and housing. Americans are the
most charitable people to be found, and will gladly help anyone in need,
but we are quickly growing weary of subsidizing generation after generation
of professional couch potatoes who achieve nothing more than the creation
of another generation of professional couch potatoes.
ARTICLE V
You do not have the right to free health care. That would be nice, but
from the looks of public housing, we're just not interested in public
health care.
ARTICLE VI
You do not have the right to physically harm other people. If you kidnap,
rape, intentionally maim or kill someone, don't be surprised if the rest
of us want to see you fry in the electric chair.
ARTICLE VII
You do not have the right to the possessions of others. If you rob, cheat
or coerce away the goods or services of other citizens, don't be surprised
if the rest of us get together and lock you away in a place where you
still won't have the right to a big-screen color TV or a life of leisure.
ARTICLE VIII
You don't have the right to demand that our children risk their lives
in foreign wars to soothe your aching conscience. We hate oppressive governments
and won't lift a finger to stop you from going to fight if you'd like;
however, we do not enjoy parenting the entire world, and do not want to
spend so much of our time battling each and every little tyrant with a
military uniform and a funny hat.
ARTICLE IX
You don't have the right to a job. All of us sure want all of you to have
one, and will gladly help you along in hard times, but we expect you to
take advantage of the opportunities of education and vocational training
laid before you to make yourself useful.
ARTICLE X
You do not have the right to happiness. Being an American means that
you have the right to pursue happiness - which by the way, is a lot
easier if you are unencumbered by an over abundance of idiotic laws
created by those of you who were confused by the Bill of Rights.
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